Facebook, despite its privacy shortcomings, is a tool many of us use to keep in touch with friends and family. I find it extremely useful to maintain relationships with many I know who live, literally, around the world. For the vast majority of people, using Facebook will not cause any real issues; but, there is a minority of folks for whom using Facebook (and other social media sites) may have a dark and sinister side and could possibly hold dire consequences.
My friend Nadine (not her real name, of course) is a wonderful lady. I met her, her husband and their children while we were working together on a volunteer project. You wouldn’t know unless she told you, but Nadine has a somewhat checkered past. There is someone from her “previous life” who has stalked and threatened her over the course of a number of years. The thought of this person even just contacting her brings up feelings of terror. Thankfully, he has not been able to track her down for well over ten years, though she has heard through the grapevine he has tried from time to time.
Nadine has family and friends spread across the country, and many of them are on Facebook. Of course, they want her to join so they can stay in touch easier. She wants to join, but hasn’t thus far. She and her husband are very cautious when it comes to social media. This is quite understandable given Nadine’s situation. It’s one thing to join Facebook and lock down your privacy settings knowing the odds of someone stalking you are quite low; but, it’s quite another when you know there is a real “someone” out there who may want to get you. “Paranoia may destroy ya” as The Kinks used to sing, but in Nadine’s case a healthy amount of caution is called for.
I have to admit, at first I rather drew a blank when she emailed and asked if I could advise her how she might get on Facebook and stay safe. Knowing the inherent privacy issues in Facebook, I thought long and hard. I certainly could not tell her she could get on there and know for sure her information was safe. There are no guarantees for any of us, but she certainly has a reason to be extra cautious. While telling her to carefully consider whether or not to join I made sure to stress there is always a risk of exposure, I wrote the following in an email to her for consideration if she does decide to sign up:
- Pick a fake name. Although this is technically against the Facebook terms of service, it most likely won’t be a problem unless someone complains about it. She should pick a fake location, home town, etc. too.
- Set up a bogus email address based on that fake name and use it for Facebook. I reminded her she’ll need to check this email address periodically.
- Don’t put pictures of herself up anywhere on Facebook. I told her if she gets a message that someone has “tagged” her in a photo, she should go and remove the tag immediately. There are settings which can restrict tagging a bit in the privacy settings, but they may not work as advertised. Sharing pictures of her kids should be OK, though she may want to watch who “likes” them or who comments because those comments can be seen by others.
- Tightly restrict all her Facebook privacy settings to share information with “Only Me” and “Friends Only” as appropriate.
- If anyone of her Facebook friends pass your information on to this person, all bets are off. Even the cleverest disguise is worthless if someone tells on her.
I consider the last point to be the most important because there are no guarantees of privacy and safety once you put your information online. When you consider the importance of online reputation management and how easy it is for employers to find information about potential employees, it’s quite easy to see that personal information is very hard to hide once it’s posted.
I pose the question to you: What would you tell Nadine in this situation? Would you advise her to stay off Facebook and other social media sites completely? Do you have any tips for Nadine or someone in a similar situation as the one she is in? Please feel free to leave your answers and suggestions in the comments.
photo credit: MartynvanDeelen
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