Don’t Go Calling It Doubles
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There’s an old phrase I remember as a kid: “Truth In Advertising.” It’s a concept which tells those who do advertising (or marketing or customer service) they need to be truthful in what we tell people. Exaggerations, cover ups and outright lies are not acceptable to the public.
I’m reminded of an episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus which illustrates this. It tells the story of giant Blancmanges from outer space invade the Earth in order to win the tennis championship at Wimbledon. At one point a lady (played by Eric Idle) is reporting a strange incident to a police sergeant (played by John Cleese). The dialog went something like this:
Lady (dressed in Tennis Outfit): Yes, that’s right, I was just having a game of doubles with Sandra and Jocasta, Alec and David …
Sergeant: Hang on!
Lady: What?
Sergeant: That’s Five.
Lady: What?
Sergeant: Five people. How did you play doubles with five people? Sounds a bit funny if you ask me; playing doubles with five people.
The lady goes on to explain how they play doubles with five people
Sergeant: Look, it’s your affair if you want to play with five people, but don’t go calling it doubles! Look, at Wimbledon, right, if Fred Stolle and Tony Roche played Charlie Pasarell and Cliff Drysdale and Peaches Bartkowitz, they wouldn’t go calling it doubles.
You can watch the whole exchange here on YouTube.
A Tale of Two Experiences
A friend of mine recently had two experiences with telephone and email customer service with different companies which gave me pause. They are examples of how we should not do customer service for those who purchase our goods and services.
Tale The First – The Mobile Carrier
In the first, she had a cell phone stolen. It was a rather pricey smart phone. Right after it was stolen, she wanted to replace it. Theft insurance wasn’t available for this particular phone so replacing it outright would have cost her quite a bit of money. After consulting with the customer service people on the phone, she purchased a less expensive “regular” phone with the promise that she could get the smart phone again at upgrade time at a much lower cost. Her anniversary was within a few months, so it made sense to her to wait.
When the few months had passed she called to get her new smart phone, only to be told by the customer service person that her upgrade date had been changed and she would have to pay the full price for the phone or wait a few more months. When she asked why the date was changed she was given a number of reasons, none of which made any sense. At one point a customer service representative on the phone told her that she must have been in “roaming” too many times during her contract period, which would cause her upgrade date to slide. This was not true, as she is on a national plan which purports to have no “roaming.”
Not satisfied with the answers she got from the main customer service number, she called the local store for her carrier. They checked her account, told her to come in and she got her phone that day.
Now, what happened here? The representatives at the store were at a loss as to why she was refused an upgrade over the phone. They also told her there was no such reason as “going in to roaming too many times” for sliding one’s upgrade date. Why did the people at the call center tell her this?
There are many reasons, I suppose. Perhaps the call center people were not authorized to make such a transaction. In that case, why not just be honest? Tell the customer something like: “I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to do that over the phone. Please go by your nearest store and they will be able to take care of you today.” Yes, the customer might be irritated, but not nearly as much as being blamed for the problem and given a bunch of excuses for not taking care of the request.
Tale The Second – The Shipping Company
In another incident, this same friend ordered an item from a web site and requested 3-day shipping from a large delivery service. When her order was shipped, she checked the company’s web site tracking and found that the scheduled delivery date was set for four business days instead of 3. When she emailed asking about this, the customer service representative replied that “3-Day” is actually a form of “ground” service and delivery may be made after the 3 business days. When she inquired further via email and by phone, she was told that the pickup day doesn’t count in the three business days. When she pointed out that the date she expected delivery took that fact into account, she was again told that “3-Day” doesn’t necessarily mean delivery in 3 days.
This seemed a bit incredible to me. Why would a company instruct its customer service people to do what amounts to a “bait and switch?” What was the real reason for the delay in delivery? Could it have been because more people shopped on line this year and the service was overburdened with more packages than expected which caused delays? Whatever the reason, an honest answer would have been better. In the end, my friend (and everyone she told about this) was antagonized and may think twice before using this particular service for package delivery.
Companies – those large and small – take heed: Customers are not going to stand for this kind of treatment for long. If you blame shift, make bogus excuses and lie your customers are going to figure it out. Not only will you lose their business, you will also lose the business of a number of their friends and acquaintances. If they spend any time on line, the potential audience for their story can be quite large.
If there’s a problem, admit as much and go on. It’s OK. Your customers will understand the occasional glitch. They will appreciate your honesty and tell their friends good things about you.
If you’re playing with five, don’t go calling it doubles.
